Expressionale

Obsessive, and expressive

dating game
mystiqua
Met this cute guy on Saturday night. Older, refined gentleman. We talked for a great part of the evening and I thought we hit it off. He asked for my number so I gave it to him. So far, not a peep. Have not heard from him. :(

I suppose I should have thought it was odd, when I gave him my number and he didn't try to do the "call to confirm so you can have mine as well" trick that seems to be the new game for guys. He just saved it and smiled. I bet in his mind he thought, in your dreams lady.

Dating is so filled with games. One person likes the other, the other pretends that they do when they don't. It needs to be easy, I like you, we hit it off, exchange numbers, next day you call me, we have coffee and talk in a civilized environment. There shouldn't be that much to it.

Hypocritical Obama fans
mystiqua
I don't know how people can be profound fans of Obama and his message of change and not be fans of change in their personal and/or professional lives. It's like being a hypocrite.

Case in point my coworker good friend, swears by Obama could rename her daughter Obama if she could but there we were speaking up at work trying to get them to implement a new policy which would benefit her greatly however she wasn't interested. She emphatically told me she didn't want to speak up about it because she wasn't interested. She would partake in the policy benefits but she would not join in fighting the good fight to get the policy implemented.

I was irked. Greatly.

Of friends and girlfriends
mystiqua
Yesterday was my girlfriend's birthday. And she is having some type of birthday weekend celebration, this Friday and Saturday.

To better explain, we became friends when we worked together at some job I had for six months. She was the only girl close to my age who was single, with no kids and reasonably independent - she had her own little condo, lived alone, and not co-habiting with some man. You can tell these are rare features for women around my age. So we hung out together after work. But then, I realized that her motivations are different. As a matter of fact she lacked motivation. She also lacked real interests, she just wanted to skate through life. She would rather go to a club than go to a play. So our motivations were reasonably different, and once I left that job, our friendship just sort of fizzled. So it was her birthday yesterday and I thought to send her a note, which read:

Hey Girl,
Happy Birthday! Just thought to send you a birthday shout out!! Gosh, 32, who would thunk it!!!
You'll love being 32, it's a great year, filled with challenges but fun things happen....and you are more assertive with yourself at that age.
Hope you have a good day and God's blessings in this coming year. As Shay Youngblood said: Know where you’ve been but don’t live in the past. Know where you’re going, you need concrete goals even if they’re short-term but the most important thing is to know who you are.
That's my 34 year old advice to you.
Take care of yourself and have fun always. I'll see you on Friday.
thoughts

me.


She simply replied: aaah, thanks for the note. Can't wait to party on Friday.

If you were me, would you attend her birthday party thingie on Friday?

work whine
mystiqua
Today is another day at the chopped liver convention. That's how I feel sometimes at work, like I am here but why, because I need the money but my contribution is not valued, I am not motivated, and everyday I feel deflated. It's like I am chopped liver.

The Color Purple
mystiqua
ent to see the Color Purple at the Fox Theater on July 30th. It was a mostly black affair. As in the crowd though varying in age was predominantly black, with just a sprinkling of white people, which I am sure just decided to come based on curiosity. I didn't enjoy the play as much as I thought I would. I remember seeing the movie a long time ago, and bits and pieces of it stuck out at me. I remembered the actors, that the subject matter was grim and that it was hella long. But not that much of the substance of it remained in my memory. This was partially the reason why I thought I'd go see the play, to refresh my memory and see the darkness played to full effect.

The play was very well done. The actors were very good, not amateurish at all. But my reaction to it was unexpected. 1) I didn't expect it to be a musical. I must be living under a rock not to have expected that because everyone else was singing along (and had the CD's, etc) but there I was, not expecting it to be a musical. I just thought: subject matter grim, why the singing? I thought I was coming to see a deep dark play, but I guess all plays are musicals these days, who wants to see a play where they don't sing. Me. I was expecting to be carried along the story with everything but music. Nevertheless, the singing was a nice touch. Then, (2) it had some funny bits. Not so much funny bits as the actors and the lines being stretched in an effort to rouse the audience, be it with laughter or applause. Not in a natural way, with the flow of the story, almost as if it was forced, as if they wanted the crowd to laugh so let's emphasize that word, gesture, remark, or line and pause slightly while the crowd reacts. I was just stuck on grim subject matter, so I wasn't expecting to be guarded towards laughter or applause. I mean, no need for emphasis just say what you want to say and we, of the knowledgeable crowd who attends these things, will know what you mean and if we feel the need to cheer, or applaud then so be it, we will. Needless to say that with all the cueing and pauses for audience reaction I just held a stiff grimace on my face, wondering whatever happened to the solid story I had fallen in love, albeit remembered vaguely, but was so fond of that I decided to shell out money enough to see 4 movies to spend an evening seeing it at the theater. Was it a business reason that made them doctor it for audience appeal? Will I see it again, probably not, not unless it's on Broadway sans singing cue heavy drama.

Outdoor Festival Excess
mystiqua

(no subject)
mystiqua
I wrote this ever so long ago, in one of my recent emotional states, I read through my old entries in my other journal and in reading it I can hardly believe that I wrote it. I know why, but it seems like I was probably going through some things like I am going through now when I wrote it.

In another lifetime, can I get to choose you, can we get to have each other, can we choose where we want to be? 

In another lifetime, can we get to have peace, to rest easy, to put our feet up and love freely? Can we? 

In another lifetime, is there hope for interaction without intermission, without bumping, without choking one's means of consumption? Is there a place we get to run recklessly wtihout noise being the determinant of our voices, our uproar, our freedom? 

In another lifetime, woudl there be room for us to mingle in our seperate beliefs, customs, and tradition without persuasion or compulsion to those who have remained ignorant of moment's passage? 

In another time, can we get to take sides, choose our places, and the dreams we want to fruition? 

Then I can choose you, and you may have to choose me...and in that time, can I get to keep you, without fear that time, or age, or unfortunate circumstance of death would come to claim you from me, and with the reassurance that wherever you get to go, I go also, and where you end up...I shall be, in that same time. 

Hmmm...
mystiqua
Happy Birthday to Me!!!!

Choices
mystiqua
Dolce dinner last night to kick off Birthday week in Chez Mystiqua was so blah! There are some restaurants that are best enjoyed with company, not alone. I learned that the hard way last night. It's like every decision I've made has been the wrong one. One fruitless evening, $30 lost, loads of calories and a blah movie later (27 dresses was so bad!) the week is still not looking good. But what else is new...I keep thinking, is there a speed racer vehicle that can take me to Miami, is it too late?

It was an especially boring weekend. Everywhere I choose to go to ended up being the wrong place, no activity, nothing remotely thrilling. Nobody called me and I didn't call anybody. Nobody came to see me and I didn't go to see anybody. I spent so much money on everything and anything but achieving fun itself. Even the movie I chose to watch left me a little unsatisfied. I just plain existed and nothing dramatic came of it. This is a huge total contrast to last weekend. It was just a little dry for my taste.

Fool for Love
mystiqua
just got back from the Alicia Keys concert. In some way this felt like the continuation of a story. A story of female empowerment, enlightenment, independence, strength and willpower. Seeing 2 strong independent women perform back to back just reassured me of who I am and what I need to be. I had lost my way momentarily and just succumbed to this needy woman. That is not me. And anybody who bumps into this journal will think, what a needy "middle-aged" woman. That is not me.

That being said, who did I bump into at the entrance of Phillips Arena - the guy from weeks ago, that would never return my calls, that I exchanged flirty texts with, one of which I confessed that I have a crush on him. Yep, that muthafucker! He hugged me and smiled and acted like we were old friends. Said something like, I was at your part of town last night, and I would have called you to meet up except I was with someone. I just thought to myself, WTF! He didn't just say that to me, that mutherfucker, that muthafucking explains so much. He asked me if I was by myself, and I said of course, in my mind wondering when guys like you don't return my calls what choice do I have. I just felt like such a fool. Like the biggest female loser on the planet, like the oldest female loser on the planet. Why are men such assholes, seriously? Things like this make me wish I was gay. Wish I could go all Cynthia Nixon, and just keep shop with another woman, adopt some kids and just call it a day. If God knew that men would turn out to be assholes, then why did he make us have to deal with them, make us straight, make us attracted to them and their stupidity. I just kept thinking about this throughout the concert - I am such a fool. How did I turn out to be this fool? I thought I had this all figured out. But I won't be a fool no more. You only get hurt once.

?

Log in